Where I've come from: An Extrovert doing some Introspection
(Preface: This was written by me a few years ago, I want you to see some of the places I've been to and come from! Its my testimony, and part of my getting to "know God".)
As of late, I have had a lot of time to just sit and look at myself. Time to think, time to relax, time to just sit in peace and quiet. That is not something I can say I have had the privilege of in any recent memory. Ever since I gave my life to the Lord I have focused myself, on helping everyone. I dedicated myself to helping others at the expense of myself. I have put aside everything I would be going through so that someone else in need could receive my assistance. And that has brought me into a cycle. That cycle is pretty much like this. Strong, progressively decline, falter. Then I would spend days or weeks "rebuilding" myself so that I could help again. As I have had the time to look into myself, I can say that this stemmed from two problems in my life. Pride and fear.
I have always struggled with pride. Even before I was saved I have always been prideful. It transferred from "I'm big I'm bad" when I was unsaved to "No, don't pray for me/I don't deserve it" when I gave my life to the Lord. Though these two mind sets may not look they have anything to do with each other, they both come from pride. False humility is as just as much pride as any other, and its telling God that YOU aren't worth HIM dealing with.
I have also struggled with fear since I got saved. Fear of failing everyone. I have felt that my expectations from other people are so great that I can never see myself succeeding to them. I fear failing myself, failing God, and everyone who believes in me so much. My pride told me I was too strong to fail, but my pride makes me fall. I fear failing so much, that i never succeed. I told my pastor one day that I thrust myself into ministerial activities or something to keep myself away from my own problems. We sat and talked and both agreed that this was detrimental to me. I can't force myself into helping others, because I leave myself to crumble.
As any homeowner knows, and I as a new one am finding out, owning a home is a constant upkeep. The Bible says that we are the Temple of God. The temple for His Holy Spirit. Well, the temple in Jewish history had to be constantly worked on and kept in working order so that the temple could help the people outside. That is how I have to be. I have to work on MYSELF before I try to help others. Something I am learning is that all the gifts God has given me are not just to help others, but to first and foremost help myself. Discern what is wrong with ME before I show someone else whats wrong. Prophecy into MY OWN life before I go teaching the Word of God. etc.
I love how Jean De La Fontaine said it.
"Help yourself, and Heaven will help you."
The other day God showed me something in His Word. As a matter of fact, it was the day after I wrote my last note. He gave me a Psalm the day after I prayed for wisdom. Haha. I consider King David to have been a wise man, even if it was not to the grandeur and magnitude to his son Solomon.
Psalms 119:25-32
My soul clings to the dust; give me life according to your word!
When I told of my ways, you answered me; teach me your statutes!
Make me understand the way of your precepts and I will meditate on your wondrous works.
My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word!
Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law!
I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your rules before me.
I cling to your testimonies, O LORD; let me not be put to shame!
I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!
This Psalm really spoke into my life. Especially when God spoke to me and showed me something that I had never seen before. Verse 26 David said he told God of his ways. That means he told God the who, what, when, and how he did things. Then look how David changed in the second part of the verse after God answered him. I WISH I knew what God said. I wish David would have written that part! God said something so profound to David that it made David forsake all of his ways and how he did things and scream out for God. He screams out to God telling God to make him more like His Word.
David wanted to be nothing of himself so that he could truly be more of God. You see a profound change in David. That is what the presence of God and His Voice will do. Knowing God is just as much working on ourselves as it is connecting to God.
As Pastor Jayson Heath says, "No one stays unchanged in the presence of a Holy God."
David certainly didn't
This is what I want.
~Deuce
4/10/2010
(Preface: This was written by me a few years ago, I want you to see some of the places I've been to and come from! Its my testimony, and part of my getting to "know God".)
As of late, I have had a lot of time to just sit and look at myself. Time to think, time to relax, time to just sit in peace and quiet. That is not something I can say I have had the privilege of in any recent memory. Ever since I gave my life to the Lord I have focused myself, on helping everyone. I dedicated myself to helping others at the expense of myself. I have put aside everything I would be going through so that someone else in need could receive my assistance. And that has brought me into a cycle. That cycle is pretty much like this. Strong, progressively decline, falter. Then I would spend days or weeks "rebuilding" myself so that I could help again. As I have had the time to look into myself, I can say that this stemmed from two problems in my life. Pride and fear.
I have always struggled with pride. Even before I was saved I have always been prideful. It transferred from "I'm big I'm bad" when I was unsaved to "No, don't pray for me/I don't deserve it" when I gave my life to the Lord. Though these two mind sets may not look they have anything to do with each other, they both come from pride. False humility is as just as much pride as any other, and its telling God that YOU aren't worth HIM dealing with.
I have also struggled with fear since I got saved. Fear of failing everyone. I have felt that my expectations from other people are so great that I can never see myself succeeding to them. I fear failing myself, failing God, and everyone who believes in me so much. My pride told me I was too strong to fail, but my pride makes me fall. I fear failing so much, that i never succeed. I told my pastor one day that I thrust myself into ministerial activities or something to keep myself away from my own problems. We sat and talked and both agreed that this was detrimental to me. I can't force myself into helping others, because I leave myself to crumble.
As any homeowner knows, and I as a new one am finding out, owning a home is a constant upkeep. The Bible says that we are the Temple of God. The temple for His Holy Spirit. Well, the temple in Jewish history had to be constantly worked on and kept in working order so that the temple could help the people outside. That is how I have to be. I have to work on MYSELF before I try to help others. Something I am learning is that all the gifts God has given me are not just to help others, but to first and foremost help myself. Discern what is wrong with ME before I show someone else whats wrong. Prophecy into MY OWN life before I go teaching the Word of God. etc.
I love how Jean De La Fontaine said it.
"Help yourself, and Heaven will help you."
The other day God showed me something in His Word. As a matter of fact, it was the day after I wrote my last note. He gave me a Psalm the day after I prayed for wisdom. Haha. I consider King David to have been a wise man, even if it was not to the grandeur and magnitude to his son Solomon.
Psalms 119:25-32
My soul clings to the dust; give me life according to your word!
When I told of my ways, you answered me; teach me your statutes!
Make me understand the way of your precepts and I will meditate on your wondrous works.
My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word!
Put false ways far from me and graciously teach me your law!
I have chosen the way of faithfulness; I set your rules before me.
I cling to your testimonies, O LORD; let me not be put to shame!
I will run in the way of your commandments when you enlarge my heart!
This Psalm really spoke into my life. Especially when God spoke to me and showed me something that I had never seen before. Verse 26 David said he told God of his ways. That means he told God the who, what, when, and how he did things. Then look how David changed in the second part of the verse after God answered him. I WISH I knew what God said. I wish David would have written that part! God said something so profound to David that it made David forsake all of his ways and how he did things and scream out for God. He screams out to God telling God to make him more like His Word.
David wanted to be nothing of himself so that he could truly be more of God. You see a profound change in David. That is what the presence of God and His Voice will do. Knowing God is just as much working on ourselves as it is connecting to God.
As Pastor Jayson Heath says, "No one stays unchanged in the presence of a Holy God."
David certainly didn't
This is what I want.
~Deuce
4/10/2010